The Slumbering Bear

Last night was sleepless!

I’m not sure if it was the snoring slumbering husband or the need to pee for the 5th time (6 months pregnant) which woke me, but getting back to sleep was impossible. I tried to ignore the ongoing snoring, finally deciding to relocate to the couch. Dragging my giant corpse of a maternity pillow behind me, I danced in the dark across a hot lava bed of loose legos while half whispering obscenities under my breath. Finally, reaching the couch, I plopped my pregnant self down onto what was, yes, cushion-less. Dang! Now where was that stray couch pillow? After lighting the room, locating the cushion and removing a singing Elmo, 2 toy swords, a nerf gun, and 7 stray foam bullets from the couch, I was ready for some rest.

Nope, wasn’t in the cards yet. The local raccoons are having a 30 minute row somewhere way too close. And is it already time for another bathroom break?! No, it can’t be. I laid there waiting, hoping to drift off. Pregnancy insomnia? Nope, now it was my 4 year old who refuses to sleep like most humans, somehow ending up horizontal, smashing himself between the wall and the bed rail. Thump, thump, thump goes his head against the wall. After visiting his room to shift him back to his pillow, I made my 6th bathroom stop. Can it be? Silence from the bedroom? The snoring had stopped. I quickly moved back into my cozy bed. So comfy, lovingly hugging my maternity pillow. A startling noise erupts from the other side of the bed…was it a fart? a snort?…I waited… it seemed isolated, so I closed my eyes to try sleep again.

Not long after falling asleep, I became the victim of the Pull & Roll. My loving husband is superior at committing this nighttime crime. While asleep and facing me, he grabs the duvet, then rolls away with it, leaving me with nothing. With him now cocooned in our warm duvet with no hope of retrieval, I retreat again, to the couch. Not long after dozing off, another undetermined noise. What now? Oh, it’s just our 4 year old marching down the hallway with his baby blanket over his head. Back to bed buddy. When does it stop? There may be some truth to moms never really sleeping again…but the slumbering husbands seem to manage just fine.

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